Friday, July 11, 2008

What Republican reactionaries believe in

I DON'T KNOW WHO IS THE AUTHOR OF THE FOLLOWING IDEOLOGICAL ANALYSIS, SO I CANNOT CREDIT HIM (OR HER). BUT THE SENTIMENTS ARE ESSENTIALLY MY OWN.


To be a Republican reactionary, you have to believe that...

1. Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.

2. Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him; a bad guy when Bush's Daddy made war on him; a good guy when Cheney's Halliburton did business with him; and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find a Bin Laden" diversion.

3. Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is Communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.

4. The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.

5. A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multinational drug corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.

6. The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches, while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.

7. If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.

8. A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our longtime allies, then demand their cooperation and money.

9. Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy, but providing health care to all Americans is socialism. Moreover, HMO's and insurance companies have the best interests of the public at heart.

10. Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.

11. A President lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense, but a President lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.

12. Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.

13. The public has a right to know about Hillary's commodity trades, but George Bush's driving record is none of our business.

14. Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host like Rush Limbough. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.

15. Supporting "executive privilege" for every Republican ever born, who will be born, or who might be born (in perpetuity).

16. What Bill Clinton did in the 1960's is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the 1980s is irrelevant.

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10 Comments:

Blogger Chancy said...

So true.

I am forwarding this to several like minded individuals.

Thanks

Friday, July 11, 2008 8:01:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

As a reactionary I can state you over defined us. You don't spell very well. You don't seem to understand reversing course which is the essence of reaction.

Friday, July 11, 2008 11:26:00 PM  
Anonymous Mrs. M said...

My in-laws (hint: F and S) just turned me on to your blog and I love it. I'm with them now (another hint: in VT) and I plan to read all of your posts when I have time.

Sunday, July 13, 2008 11:54:00 AM  
Anonymous Nancy said...

10." Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools."

This is my favorite one. I'm also surprised that they believe in gravity.

They DO believe in gravity, don't they. Mort? Or did Huckabee debunk that,too?

Monday, July 14, 2008 12:21:00 PM  
Blogger Sylvia K said...

Mort, You've made my day! I just returned from a camping trip and couldn't wait to see what you had to say. Couldn't agree more, so happy to see all you had to say.

I've been in touch with Ronni, had to change my color scheme to be more elder friendly and I have done that, so hopefully, she can add me to her list.

Thanks again for that info and the latest blog.

Sylvia

Monday, July 14, 2008 5:07:00 PM  
Blogger Ernie said...

Mort, well said! I am apparently on the mailing list of a host of people who subscribe to many of your 16 facetious observations ... well, I know you were being facetious, but my friends would take serious offense!

Keep up the good work.

Ernie

Thursday, July 17, 2008 9:26:00 PM  
Blogger Dorothy said...

Interesting and certainly can be controversial. However, that's what writing is about....

Dorothy from grammology
grammology.com

Saturday, July 19, 2008 5:59:00 PM  
Anonymous Nancy(not anonymous) said...

Dear Anonymous,

The only word that Mort misspelled was the name of Rush Limbaugh and anyone could be forgiven for that.

After all, if life were fair, Rush would be known only by his prison number and not by his name until his entire sentence for drug dealing was served.

So, I suggest that when Mort wants to refer to Rush Limbaugh, he refer to him as 87658789 so that you are not offended by the misspelling of his name.

Saturday, July 19, 2008 10:42:00 PM  
Blogger Sylvia K said...

Mort,
I do hope you're doing well. Have missed seeing a new entry in your blog. I was just doing my evening thing, enjoying music and a glass of wine and wanted to say hi and hope all is well.

Sylvia

Saturday, July 19, 2008 11:48:00 PM  
Blogger joared said...

Well, this is a good start succinctly summarizing some of the contradictory positions to which we citizens have been subjected these past years. These issues are enough to drive a sane rational logical thinker mad.

Sunday, July 20, 2008 5:25:00 AM  

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